despacito.

my journey to Honduras began at a quik trip. I was waiting in line to pay for my coffee when I felt the need to pay for the things for a woman behind me. I really was going to do it, but somewhere between the thought and approaching the counter I chickened out. I noticed that she was talking to other people in her group and wasn't sure if they were all buying things and I was afraid of it becoming a big deal. I paid for my coffee and headed out the door knowing that i should have gone through with it. that afternoon I noticed a post on Facebook asking for volunteers to teach at a village school in Honduras. I got the same feeling from that morning and when I saw the post again a few days later I knew that it was what I needed to do. 

I signed up for this trip because I am desperate to learn how to live a life with eternity in mind. I have built a world around reality television, money, social media fame, and contouring my makeup all the while knowing it was never going to last. 

I have lived for myself these past 25 years and I am ready to live the rest of my life preparing for eternity which is how I have ended up here, writing this post under the safety of my mosquito net. 

being brave is hard. all of my preparation for the day I arrived in Honduras did not prepare me for the reality of being here. the heat is oppressive. it's a force I never felt before. it's like gravity, holding you down where you are, effecting your movements. trash lines the streets, and ash from the fire in the sugar cane field fills the air. 

I have cried my way through the past two days here. 

I am homesick. I long for air conditioning, a clean shower, and bravo tv. I want to be in the same room as my family. typing this brought the tears back all over again. longing to be back home overpowered my reasons to stay until God used Justin Bieber to remind me that I'm where I'm meant to be. after dinner on my first day, the group and I left to go to a coffeehouse outside of the village. the van bounced around on the uneven dirt roads and the windows were rolled down because the van lacked a/c. justin bieber's song "despacito" came on over the radio and while everyone pretended to groan about how cliche the pop song was and how it will never be as good as the original, it wasn't long before we were all dancing and singing along. if you ever wondered what I was doing the night of May 23rd, I was riding through a valley in Honduras and singing to "despacito" as loud as I could. it was in that moment I felt the peace of doing the right thing. I knew then that I would have to get over being homesick because there was no way I was going to leave. 

i have learned quickly that I am not here to be comfortable. I am here to show love to a classroom full of fourth graders and help them see the power of education. I am here to meet with God and learn to trust in Him for the most basic needs. I am here to store my treasures in Heaven.