Sunday, July 22, 2012

sophomore slump.

"Cuando crezca, quiero una familia que me ama, y una coomunidad que me respeta."

When I grow up, I want a family that loves me and a community that respects me.

“Que mas?”

What else?

"Camping. Quiero ir a acampar."

Camping. I want to go camping.

I was in my Spanish professor’s office, fighting for a better grade. Well, not fighting, I was pretty meek walking into that office. It was my final attempt at saving my grade in the class, without it I would have failed and tanked my gpa in the process.
I had to show her that I really did understand the material, that it was just a bad semester. 

Once again I had to fight to prove to someone that I was worth it.

I’ve been doing alot of that lately.

My semester kind of sucked, not going to lie. I didn’t make the best of decisions and I lost most if not all motivation to do well in school and in everything else for that matter. Well, that sounds kind of melodramatic, it wasn’t all terrible, and it was actually pretty nice, there are just some moments that I would rather forget about, which is just life I suppose.

I stopped doing “Ella” things like drinking hot tea and dancing in the living room. I went running because I was stressed, not for my health or because running on the beach right before sunrise is kind of awesome.  I slept in more and was less productive. Like to the point of nothing was being produced. The blogs I followed just made me upset and I had the constant feeling that everyone was hanging out without me. Which wasn’t true, it was just the way I felt.

I think my Spanish professor understood. At the end of our conversation, she told me this:

"Ella, eres una chica muy rara. Sus suenos son enormes. Eres un iman, la gente se acerca a ti. Usted tience la posibilidad de cambiar el ambiente de cualquier habitacion en la que son. Cualquier persona que no ve es un tonto, y que lo incluye a usted."

Ella, you are a very rare girl. Your dreams are enormous. You’re a magnet, people are drawn to you.  You have the ability to change the atmosphere of whatever room you are in. Anyone who doesn’t see that is a fool, and that includes you.

She was gracious enough to let me pass the class as long as I promised to do better at the next go around.

Take this magazine for instance, I created it. All year I read submissions, worked with publishing houses, and figured out a way to design the magazine. Rather than looking at it and thinking about all the mistakes I made, what I would have done differently and what other literary magazines have that mine doesn’t; I should be able to look at it and realize it was something I created. Not many get to say that they had a magazine they designed published. That’s awesome. Sidenote: I’m working on a way to create a digital copy so I can put it on here, how neat is that?

Even though I feel like everything is up in the air at the moment , I really am ready to try all of this again, because I know that I’m worth it. I might not believe it right now, but I will. There will even come a day when I stop trying to prove to people that I’m worth their time and they’ll chase after me instead.

But for now, I’m just going to read and write and lay by the pool.

Catch ya on the flip side.

but until then, you should listen to this song, because it's from my favorite band ever. 

ps, what kind of blog would this be if it didn't have any cats?

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