on people i loathe.

there were the days in high school when i would have told you if i didn't like you, perhaps turning it into a dramatic scene and dragging it out all because i was bored. 

it wasn't the most flattering of times. 

but now i consider myself more mature, keeping my rants to phone calls to my mom, blank stares, and sarcastic character sketches in my creative writing class. 

every class my professor reads off a few pieces of the homework that we turned in from the class before. this particular day he said, "i want to read the entire sketch this time because it is stunning and the writer hit the nail on the head." imagine my shock when he started reading mine. i almost died. no, really. 

so suck it, liberal toolbags with the dirty clothes and stench of cheap beer and cigarettes, this lilly pulitzer agenda toting girl is a writer after all. 


He's cute, a little chubby, but cute. He's not into that shaggy hair craze the other boys have bought into; his hair is short, buzzed even. He's a little below average where height is concerned, but my perspective could be skewed because of the 6'8 drink of water standing next to him. 

Girls usually fall over themselves to get his attention, well, that is before they get to know him. The start of fall semester is most likely his favorite season of the year, the time naive new girls line up for him to take his pick. It's slightly entertaining, watching their little dance. She pretends like she doesn't know how to use the weight machine, and he acts like he isn't exhausted from acting like he isn't constantly flexing as he talks to the blonde on the leg press. Poor girl. 

She doesn't know it yet, none of them do. They're too distracted by the strong jaw line and the good teeth to notice that his muffin top is nicely accentuated by his muscle tee. Sure, he has a closet full of trophies and the walls of his mom's house proudly displays pictures from team banquets, senior year photos, and action shots taken from championship qualifying games. But is a lifetime of listening about the time he lead his football team to victory when he was just a sophomore worth the fraternity letters and slightly well-built frame?

He may have been recognized for his good sportsmanship senior year, but will that really make up for the constant one-upping, a habit that will one day irritate you to the point that his voice might as well be nails on a chalkboard?

The answer is no, or at least it should be. 

"Sup, Ella?"
Really? He must be the only guy dense enough to think that someone on the treadmill wants to have a conversation while they complete their third mile. 

"Did you see what happened over there? This new guy was trying to out-lift me on the bench press so I started going faster and so did he and so I put on some more weight and he did too and then I went faster and he couldn't keep up so he dropped the bar and had to ask someone to lift it off of him. I pumped a few more out and was like, 'really bro, do you even lift?' It was so funny. Like dude, what were you thinking? You don't just come into the gym and try to out-lift me. I mean, it's really funny. Like they try to ruin my day and shit but I let the haters be my motivators, ya' know. They can't stop me, they can't stop the thunder, you know what I mean?

Now I have to go run the practice for my flag football team. We're gonna win the whole thing this year. Like today some skinny ass nerd tried asking me when practice was. How funny is that? I was like, 'nah bro, we don't need anyone else, bro.' I was about to tell him that he should try the science club and stick to mixing chemicals or something.

"So you're saying he was a better fit for the chess club?"

"Hey, take that back. I'm really good at chess too. I'm an athlete and I'm smart. Like I don't even have to take notes, like I just retain the information and shit. That's probably why I have so many haters. 

Well I guess I'll let you finish running. That's a really good habit by the way, working out. I think it's so sexy when a girl works out. Like that's a fantasy of mine, to do it at the gym, ya' know? When I get married I hope my wife has a little bit of an eating disorder so she doesn't let herself go and get really fat, you know what I mean?"